My girlfriend Danielle* finally heard the news that she had always wanted to hear, “You’re pregnant!”
At almost thirty-eight years old, her dreams were finally coming true. A few weeks later, the joy doubled, “Twins!”
She would now have the two children that she had always wanted; things couldn’t get any better!
But they did. Five months in, Danielle found it she was pregnant with a boy and a girl. It was really happening. “Dreams Do come true!” she squealed as tears of joy streamed down her face.
Danielle is the type of woman who always chased the fairy tale. She’s the happy-go-lucky, bubbly, helpful, radiates cuteness, and is the smiling, dancing, life of the party. She once said her ideal job would be managing a roller-skating rink where she would be surrounded by children all day. That resembles a nightmare I once had, but I digress. I love her for who she is.
Danielle deserved this happiness. It was long overdue, and it was finally in sight.
She’s “vertically challenged” standing just under 4’11. So, when she became almost as wide as she is tall, complications started to arise. At five and a half months, Danielle started to suffer from acute nausea forcing her into the Emergency Room.
Danielle was admitted to the hospital and after a week’s stay, the doctors informed her that they had found some irregularities with one of the babies. They proceeded to tell her the hardest words she ever had to hear. Danielle’s daughter had Down Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, along with extremely severe physical issues — her head was four-times the size of her little body. At thirty weeks pregnant, the doctors had no hope for the little girl.
Her name was Hailey. The little girl that Danielle dreamed of dressings in frills, ribbons, and bows was slowly dying inside of her. The doctors were certain that Hailey wouldn’t survive a day outside of the womb, if she even made it that far.
Instead of preparing for the birth of her twins, Danielle was mourning the loss of one of them. She wouldn’t be bringing home two babies, but one, hopefully.
Danielle had to process her options. She still had her son who was in good health, and she had to focus on ensuring he would be OK.
Her options were presented to her and a plan was formulated. Once Hailey passed, the doctors would remove her, so the boy could go full-term, giving him the most chance of success. A dead fetus could not remain in the womb, but unless they were going to take both babies more than two and a half months early, nothing could be done until Hailey passed.
A few days later, Danielle and her husband were given the news. Hailey was dead.
They took a week to mourn but couldn’t take any longer. Hailey had to come out to insure the safety of the little boy. Danielle scheduled the procedure and tried to keep it together. She was dealing with a death and a birth at the same time.
The morning of the procedure Danielle was heartbroken and feeling a little crazy. She felt Hailey kicking. How could that be? A few hours later, Danielle arrived for surgery and Hailey’s heartbeat was detected. She wasn’t crazy, Hailey was alive!
And then a few days later, she wasn’t.
A week later, she was alive!
Was Hailey going to defy medical odds and make it?
Two weeks later, she was gone.
By this point is was too far into Danielle’s pregnancy and removing Hailey became more dangerous than waiting for the boy to be born and taking her then.
Danielle’s hopelessness overwhelmed her. Her sadness outweighed the happiness of her son because it wasn’t over. She couldn’t mourn. Both of her babies were still with her. “What if Hailey’s heart starts beating again?” She hoped, but feared.
Hailey didn’t have a chance. No miracle could save her from what she had to endure. The doctors knew this two months prior. Danielle and her entire family had accepted the facts, but everyone, and especially Hailey had to suffer as she struggled to live and die.
There was no peace, there was only enormous pain for everyone involved. No regard was given to Danielle or Hailey — the law states “no abortion can be preformed after twenty weeks” and since Danielle’s life wasn’t in danger, nothing could be done.
During the last four weeks of her pregnancy, Danielle felt her son moving his dead sister out of the way. His movements only highlighted her stillness.
His life gave Danielle hope, but Hailey’s in utero death kept Danielle lingering in a cloud of stunning sadness, broken dreams, unreasonable hope, and complete helplessness to fix or stop any of it.
Danielle would deliver two babies. One alive, and one dead. Because that’s the law.
- Danielle’s name is a pseudonym to protect her privacy
