People think that I’m strong, I’m not. I’ve just learned to hide it better than most.
People claim that I am an inspiration, when in reality I am just trying to keep myself going.
People only see my smile, but that is used to cover-up all of my fear and pain.
The only difference between me and someone who crumbles is that I have no one to crumble into. It’s always been up to me. If I wasn’t going to do it, it didn’t get done.
As I sit here looking for strength, that so many people see I already have, I feel so weak and alone and I wonder why I don’t see what everyone else does.
I’m so scared and unsure of what the future holds, but I remember that I alone must do this. There is no one to run to or pull me up by my boot-straps, only me. There is no one to reassure me that everything is going to be OK. I only have my personal history that proves it will.
Even though I’m terrified, my soul knows that I will get through this. I know this because I’ve gotten through tough times before. When I needed someone, someone was always there. So, if no one is here now, that only means that I have the strength within myself to do this — I just need to find that power.
I’m so tired of being strong. I am so tired of donning a smile to cover the fear and pain. But I will continue to do so because that is what is required to get through this. If I lose my strength, I lose this battle. If I embrace and succumb to the weakness, it will win and I will only lose.
The fact of the matter is that if I don’t do this, no one else will. No one is going to swoop in and save me. I know that only I have control over my life and while that is daunting, (when I’m able to wipe these tears) that knowledge will give me strength.
The champion is the one who keeps going and I want to be the champion in my life. And while I feel alone right now, I know that my struggles will help someone else be the champion in their life. We’re all in this together and in times of weakness it doesn’t seem as scary knowing that I’m not alone.
Even though right now this fear is overwhelming, I know that I will get through this.
Because that’s what strong women do.
